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DATING FOR A WHILE: HE WON’T LET ME IN

January 31, 2019.Floortje.0 Likes.0 Comments

Everything is going well. You’ve been dating for a while and you’re in, what feels like, a steady relationship. However, something feels off. It’s not a lack of trust, but rather a feeling of exclusion. He’s not letting you in. What can be amiss?

It’s a minor thing, but noticable. Don’t pass it off as something small though. He’s clearly dealing with something, but he won’t tell you. It’s most likely not even your fault. Men generaly don’t talk about the things that bug them, but when you’re dating you have got to find a way to let him let you in.

Dating from a guy’s perspective

Here I am again. You’re insight in the mans psyche. Alright, first of all relax. Like I stated before, you are most likely not the blame for the distance he’s putting between you. What’s more likely is that he’s dealing with something major. It’s hard for us to talk about it. Men are raised to keep their feelings to themselves. Our dads set that example. Just laugh it off and punch hole in the wall when no one’s looking.

So the task at hand is to give him the feeling that he can share the things he can’t say otherwise. Create an environment that’s exclusively catered to both your needs. No one else has to know about it. And before too long he will let you in.

Dealing with…

It’s impossible to know what’s going on if he won’t tell you. Especially if you haven’t been dating for too long. You’re still figuring out who you are. But there are some tell-tale signs that might give you a bit of an indication.

Fired: He got layed off. It happens a lot and it’s not even his fault (for most of the time). It can give an otherwise indestructable man, a big hit to his self-image and masculinity. So he might not want to tell you because he’s feeling like a failure. This is an unfair way to look at yourself, but I’m sure you can relate. If you ask, he’ll react frustrated or dismissive. Tell him you’re ready to talk when he is, and be kind. He’ll come around soon enough.

Dealing with death or terminal illnesses: He doesn’t know if he can tell you yet. Talking about sickness of a family member is a tough topic, that requires commitment from you. He doesn’t want to burden you with his feelings. Obviously you want to be there for him, so make sure he knows you’ll always be prepared to talk about the tough stuff in life. Even if he refuses to continue on the subject or shuts you out completely for a little while. Don’t give up.

Dealing with own mortality: His own health can be a big stress factor. I know guys who don’t feel confident to talk about a Flu, let alone something like Diabetes. It’s not about their health per say. We just don’t want you to look at us differently. The thing is, we’ve accepted our conditions and we learned to live with it. We can’t tell you how to react, but the last thing we need is that you are pitying us. A friendly reminder. 😉

Anything else: These are just some of the millions of things he can be dealing with. It’s sadly not possible to list them all. Having someone around who’s down or out of sorts can be troubling on your relationship, but it’s definetly worth to help him out. Perhaps you won’t be able to help the first time, maybe not even the fifth, but just having someone around us that’s willing to listen and doesn’t judge can help a ton.

Be careful how to approach the man you’re dating and give him the feeling you can be trusted. Be sure you let him know that you’re patient and never set an ultimatum. Keep talking about your relationship and in time everything will work out. Good luck!

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